Blame, (praise), for this ramble, resides at the feet of Robert Sapolsky, Stanford … or Chip Silvestri, Sturbridge. Maybe somewhere in between.
Why is one persons life so much more wonderful or difficult than another persons life, given the same ingredient mixtures. Some prevail because of and some stumble because of.

It may very well be in the biology, the hormones, the chemicals, the time stamp now and the time stamp of the evolutionary conundrum.

For me the battle was always nature vs nurture, genetics vs personal triumph etc … but after reading and listening to Silvestri and Sapolsky, it is a slightly deeper and older hormonal mix, then layered into the genetics, which is then tweaked by the heat of environment. So now we have 3 ingredients but the first ingredient, seems the most important and the least controllable. It is this hormonal, biological and evolutionary ingredient mixture that holds the sway. From conception to birth, and then through environmental childhood onto adolescence and independence. During all these phases, hormonal biology rages, and it is always at work.

Robert Sapolsky(google him) – 400 years ago “If you were the most thoughtful, reflective, educated, civic-minded bleeding heart liberal, and you were asked to explain why every now and then somebody’s eyes would roll up and they would suddenly shake, and fall to the ground, and spasm, and have a seizure, you had a scientific explanation for it, which is the person had consorted with Satan. And there was a medical intervention at the time, which is you burned them at the stake. 

And it would have been inconceivable at the time for somebody to accept that someday you would think completely differently about that. And it only took us about 300 years to do that with epilepsy. Only took us about 50 years to figure out that lousy, heartless, cold mothers were not the cause of schizophrenia, and it only has taken us about 30, 40 years to figure out that laziness and lack of motivation is not the explanation for dyslexia. We’ve totally subtracted out the notion that Satan has anything to do with an epileptic seizure and society hasn’t fallen apart.

Sapolsky on ptsd, crime and punishment.

“So we’ve got a part of the brain called the frontal cortex. I love the frontal cortex. We’ve got more of it than any other species. It’s the most recently evolved part of the brain. It’s the last part of the brain to mature in us. What does the frontal cortex do? It makes you do the right thing when that’s the harder thing to do. Gratification, postponement, long-term planning, impulse control, emotional regulation — frontal cortex is absolutely critical to this, and when you’ve got a lousy frontal cortex at every juncture, you’re going to make the wrong, impulsive decision. 

And what the studies show is: approximately 25 percent of the men on death row in this country have a history of concussive head trauma to their frontal cortex. When you have someone like that, you are not looking at somebody with some sort of undesirable soul, or spirit, or value system, you are looking at a biological machine whose brakes don’t work very well.”

Sapolsky “We need a massive rethinking about both reward and punishment because none of us are anything more than our biological luck.” This is a little to much ? maybe.

Sapolsky’s best comment on life and lives is ”I have spent an entire career studying the brain, the mind, as it relates to stress on your health and your psyche. And I’m the most frazzled, stressed person around, I have not gleaned one iota for myself, from my life work.

Chip would simply say, I’m not wired that way, or your wires are mixed up Howard …. that’s your liberal guilt talking or …. (my favorite) Howard, you are dirty capitalist ! (in almost any conversation, i do want “return”.)

Chip speaks of his father, uncle, mother … Old so and so … and always finishes with a comment about, timing, the times, their education and their work, but mostly their demeanor. Always closes with demeanor. Their wiring. I do something similar, I see and understand environment, but I feel the tug of biology and evolution guiding it. I used to call it genetics, but I’m a bit wrong.

Almost everyday a person, thought, action comes flying by me and most times my brain processes a simple no. Occasionally it processes a yes. Thats “fight or flight”, ancient.
Much of living is noise, sometimes fun, work, happy, sad etc … but still just noise. That’s environment, I rarely get trapped. And over the years my existence gets easier and easier.
I’m pretty happy with it and I know why, however, I just don’t know how to impart such simple wisdom to others, so it implants in, on or around them.

In my work, I managed and lead, I had 3 kids, and 23 of their friends, married for 35 years +, I was the helper and advisor to many small businesses in my area and now a trustee to 2 generations of 1 family, as a favor to their father, a former mentor, business partner and friend. My best friends are all age old… and my newest best friends all have age old traits, or styles.
Recently I was fortunate to start and help my son Sam in what I consider the most important of endeavors … this pursuit of simply being in charge of himself and his time. He already had a pretty good, standard existence, good, but not his, the one he controlled. I helped his older brothers get there and for better or worse, we had plowed through real difficulties and they came out the other side on a track that was their own. Perfect, no, but definitely their own lives. I am fortunate again.

It seems awareness, is a foundational element, acceptance, a maturity, to be just a little curious about things, then comes all of the following…

A thoughtful life.

A deliberate life.

An optimized life.

Vs … lost, confused, unambitious, ignorant, boring, hard, tumultuous, etc. etc.

It just seems so obvious as I age. So simple.

Now this all seems so first world, in light of war, poverty, racism and intolerance. Look around, do what you can do, teach and let your life speak for you.

Money, it’s always an issue, but it is always 4th or 5th, sometimes 6th, on the list, and it is a tool. It’s not the foundational of contentment, happiness, health or control, not gratitude … just a tool.

Trying to thread the needle of life and then show the others that it really is possible to do, seems to have become my mission or permanent life endeavor. But, and there’s always a but.

It seems that not everyone cares about optimization, they have flaws or idiosyncrasies, bad wiring, that prevent them from this pursuit. Their ancient, biological hormone mixture hasn’t quite fermented correctly. They might be screwed.

I guess this is why I have to learn acceptance and practice it … a lot.

Now that’s funny.