A Sharing Life – by 2 purple – ish cousins.
It simply could be the time of year, it is almost Thanksgiving. It could be that the shorter days have gotten to them, emotionally, psychologically and simply not enough vitamin D. It could be they are at a cross roads at work or maybe it is their children or spouses.
But like clockwork the call starts simply, so what are you doing on Thanksgiving ?
Polite niceties start, but it always goes back to, “remember when we were little and we went here, then we went there”
It all seemed more fun back then. We always go back, Kelley and I, to the time of ages 8,10 12, 16 then 18 … then a little bit of our early 20’s. Then the screeching halt of adult life takes over. People have died, your quirks are now being cemented, you realize your parents or siblings are not really that perfect. To be honest, you are not really that enamored with the holiday season at all.
So lets revisit what was so great. The best part, which really is lost on us all now, we all lived within 10-15 miles of each other, 2nd and third generations in the same town or adjacent town. The oldest aunt or uncle could tell stories of your parents at your age and have the photos to prove it. There were cousins and second cousins who could talk of their parents and you knew the end of the story because the proverbial apple never does fall very far from the tree.
The town, (this is a no brainer), West Hartford CT, may have been … and likely still is, the best town ever. It has everything a town could want, first it has great restaurants, second, it has very good schools, public, private, Catholic, Montessori, Hebrew, I am sure there are other religious based schools as well. It had parks and pools, a mall, (that was big in the 70’s). Kelley and I, our siblings and all of our other friends and their cousins too would agree, this place was great. It was laid out when banking, insurance and business were replacing farming. It’s civic leaders took good care of it from the late 1800’s through the mid 1900’s doing their best not to let it lose its small town feel, even though it is practically a small city, with a diverse population and all that it connotes.
Our phone call travels from sleep-overs to sports and how easy it was on any given day or night to have the pleasant distraction of “stopping by”. When you were young, you may have been out running errands with your mother or father and were nearby. Let’s go visit “AuuntieNaancie” (special pronunciation), Kelley and Tara are home, we spoke to them earlier…. If it were a Saturday we would get to see uncle Georgie .. If we were in Wethersfield or Newington, we could go see aunt Ruth or aunt Mary. Kelley and Tara would get to see the McGuire Clan, uncle George had a few brothers and sisters and there were lots’ o cousins there.
The call then roams onto the neighborhood and all the friends that we had from the neighborhood. It seems funny now, but you really did just leave on a Saturday morning at about 9, maybe come home for lunch at 1 and you were gone until dark. It really did happen that way and you likely were only 11 or 12. I am sure some parents called other parents, to see if there kid had been seen, but we were unaware. It was really great if you could raid a parents wallet or change bowl, $2-3 dollars could go a long way at Friendly’s or the pizza shop. In your travels you almost always added more kids, we needed bodies for basketball, or football and we sometimes invited any kid we saw for baseball at the reservoir. Ahh .. the “Res..” The reservoir was the most wonderful place for a kid like me and likely shaped my love of the outdoors.
Back to the holidays, the holidays were not always one big visit at one persons house, or one big visit at just your house, they were a series of visits at many peoples houses.. I may have some rose colored glasses here, but my semi-vivid memory puts a lot of 1 or 2 hour visits going from one house to another… sometimes for meal other times just dessert. The best memory is of yourself … actually not leaving your own home and having a steady stream of coming and going of others.. each person or family bringing more kids to play, more food to eat and the stories to be told. On a weak or boring holiday, it was fun to join the neighbors holiday party. It changed things up, new people, their cousins, different food styles, some ethnicity … who knew !
As an adult, we successfully have had some of those types of parties at our home, but distance makes it harder. Kids sports makes it harder, Modern work life makes it harder. Traffic congestion makes it impossible.
I have a friend, (actually I have many friends), but one specifically, who laments about the same loss of community that Kelley and I talk about yearly. He lived here in West Hartford in a “lake” neighborhood. His memories are consistent with ours, they had neighborhood get togethers’, association parties, the parents and the kids roamed from house to house, house to beach, beach to boat… his parents house, was one of the first homes built in the association, it was recently knocked down and rebuilt. The person who wanted it, wanted the neighborhood, he said it felt good every time he came down the street. Another friend whose youth seemed tighter and smaller has become a champion at get -togethers and will have a party at any excuse.
There is a stark reality that we are now the “elders by death” in our families. We do not let that stop us, we thoroughly enjoy our ride back through our youth. It isn’t sad, but a reminder to live and to share, because life is way to short. With this cousin, I have a very modern, but very good “texting” relationship. It may be a picture of a trip to the city, a mention of a town being driven through. There are the beach texts, the food or meal picture texts, the text that reminds the other of how great we both think we are… how great West Hartford is etc… we like to share.
She has a job as a photographer, she shoots at sporting events, political events and at every good opportunity. This will allow her to share her skill by giving her photographic object an eternal life. She makes many parents and grandparents proud, she gives a good cause, life, she has documented her family and many others, including mine. Hers is a sharing life.
When someone is jotting down notes in current time, writing a short story or taking a picture, it always seems a bit narcissistic, self involved, selfish really etc…when there is a picture depicting every party it always seems a bit much at the time, but not 5 years later. Let me quote someone ..”Enough Already”.
But how great to find that old picture or old note of 20- 50 or 80 years ago. We are always happy and thankful to have it and glad it could be shared.
Happy Thanksgiving.